the days that never change .

The feeling of loss, and the downhill ride from a rush of complete joy .. is the worst feeling imaginable. My life has been pretty crazy, and so far, it's only getting crazier. I don't know what to feel anymore. My world is as though it's slowly coming further and further down into the hole .. and it's drowning me. The first six months of 2010 were absolutely incredible. I had the time of my life, and for specific reasons I will never forget .. however now .. I don't know what's left to do.
My parents disagree on almost everything, aside from my sister and I. We are the only people that can keep everything together; they do what they do for us , and I will always be thankful for that. I know they try and hide what's of their deepest concerns, but I'm not seven anymore. I can see what's clearly happening in front of me. Money is an issue. University is an issue. And yet, when we try and elaborate on the situation .. I always end up being the one to eat it. I hear everything .. I get the dirty details, I am the go-to child.
I try my best to protect my sister from it, I don't want her to be robbed of the memories she will have in Grade Nine.. those are the best experiences. She needs to live right now .. and she can't with the worries of our family problems. Five years ago, everything was okay .. we were all .. okay. But because of financial problems , living is only getting harder. I want to help, but I don't know how.

Everything I once had, is now gone. My friends are always there for me, to hear me when I need them, and I seriously love them for that .
But this , all of this new stuff I have recently learned, is bigger than me. Bigger than any of us. I don't know if I will be able to handle it. I know I need to stay strong for my family, and for myself .. but sometime soon, it's going to blow up in our faces, and I will be swallowed in it.
These are the days that never change ..