Life, in general.

Life is hard. And a lot of it is unfair .. so how come so many people think it's easy? How can so many people get through their day, without one single problem, or inconvientient side effect on their backs?

I don't know. I don't have answers. All I know is that I have questions, and I hope that someday, someone will come around to answer them.

Life, was easy. It was easy before it got complicated, and when it got complicated, it became less easy. I think that my life, through the last six months has been absolutely incredible. I fell .. in love ? Well, I don't know if I fell in love, but I loved a boy - and I still do. But I'll get to that later.

I was just living. It's what I knew how to do .. but when things changed .. it got so much harder.
I remember just asking myself, why me? How come I have to have this, happen to me.
How much tragedy does one get in their life?
When does that limit, come to an end?
It doesn't. Does it.

I guess, before I start to jumble my words, and make everything seem even more confusing .. I should start at the beginning.

On January 6th 2010 .. Dave* asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted, knowing that our relationship would, of course be AMAZING .. and that we would have a wonderful time. Little did I know, that relationship could come abruptly to a halt, and I would end up feeling alone, rejected, ugly, disgusting, and sad.
I held no anger, I had an issue with holding grudges. It just .. never worked out for me. I am too open to new relationships, too caring of an individual to worry about hating, and dislike.
I became overwhelmed with sadness when he dumped me .. I felt like I could vomit my stomach .. have a bowel movement the size of a freight train .. and somehow, I felt as though every single thing I did, reminded me of him. That was the hardest part..
I remember just wanting to sit and do nothing. Music didn't help. I always dedicate songs to people, and when I think of the lyrics, I think of the way that they fit together in my life.
That's the connection between me and music.
Dave and I were totally different people. I think both of us had a lot of things in common, and our personalities had some of the same attributes .. and I think we both generally needed each other. But we did it for all the wrong reasons.
He was always supposed to be a friend to me, a brother almost.. and I know it seems pretty well impossible to say, it's altogether relatively true.
I know now that it was never meant to be .. he wasn't the one, I would have known. I believe in connections, maybe not love at first sight, but I know what chemistry is, and I think that has a lot to do with connections to people. It's like a sense, a network almost .. and that wasn't the case with Dave. At least, I don't think so.
I guess, in all .. I just feel relatively betrayed. Shocked .. disappointed, upset.
But then again, life goes on.
And for that, I will forever respect the fact that love is just something to learn from.
You can never be certain, never be positive, never be sure. But you can damn well go out there in the world and live a little .. and I think that's an appropriate thing for me to do.

:)